and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
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Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
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He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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