Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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