He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
