A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
