Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
