I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
