4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
