hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
