Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
