I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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