Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
