just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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