my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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