I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
