I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
