I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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