You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
