so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
