Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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