My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
