I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
