I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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