So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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