You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
