RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
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