no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
His nipple licking is glorious
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