Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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