We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
