She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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