dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
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Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
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I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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