Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
