Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
