I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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