my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
