I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
