she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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