The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We have started to decorate penises.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
