I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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