I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
