genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
