I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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