My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize