Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
