It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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