Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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