Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
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The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
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Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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