WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
