The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
