Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
