I wish i was in the wii world.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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