I feel great
I just peed on a car
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You may now shotgun with the bride
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
