I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
