at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
