If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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