I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
