No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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