so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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