I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
