Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
