You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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