Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
