i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
They have beer where we have blood.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
