i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
