I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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