He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize