apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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