May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
