His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
