i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
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I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
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It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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