I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
