you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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