apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
