Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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