I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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