dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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