we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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