Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
