Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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