i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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