I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
