So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
