I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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