I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
