I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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