i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
