I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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