You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
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This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
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dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
tell me about the fingering
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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