I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
