kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
