no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just want nice things and good sex
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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