Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
