careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
