I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
