My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
